when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
