I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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