you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
