i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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