he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
