I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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