"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
