Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
