This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
