she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
