Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
