I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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