I puked a lego.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
