Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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