is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
