I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
