I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
