The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
