Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
