Three words: puerto rican gang bang
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
