I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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