Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize