There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
