I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
