I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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