Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
