So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
