Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
