franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
