well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
