So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i dont even know how to be here
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
