Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
