what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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