Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize