i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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