Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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