I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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