...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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