If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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