so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
