i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
