i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Randomize
