I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
