so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
