you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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