I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
