when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
