So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
