I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
