My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
