He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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