We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Sorry about my life...
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize