Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Sacagawea was the original milf.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Randomize
