my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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