I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
