Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
