I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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