3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
