this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
