new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
