Michael Bay diarrhea
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
