When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
