i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
