after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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