Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
