I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
