no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
