my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
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