Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
