batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
