Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
