just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize