there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
