my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
