you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize