I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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