oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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