I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
