and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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